The Joke's on Roy
by sierra.steinbrecher
Summary: You know, it's about time Ed got payback for all the times Roy called him short. And the rest of the office couldn't pass up the opportunity. One-shot, pure fluffy fun. Don't own the series.


Roy Mustang walked into his office with a cup of still-hot coffee. To his surprise, no one else was there. Even Riza was running late, which was unheard of. He walked through to his personal office, sat in his swivel chair, propped his feet up on his desk, and rested in his own satisfaction as he sipped the steaming drink.

Riza walked in with a load of paperwork.

Mustang spewed his coffee all over the place.

What had happened to his lieutenant? The normally curvy woman was as flat as a board, with her hair in a very handsome boy's cut, and in the male uniform. She walked up to his desk and, in a deep voice, said "Here's your paperwork, sir."

He stared at subordinate. In his confusion, he used her first name. "Riza, what-"

"My name is Richard, sir. And don't see a problem."

Roy let his head fall onto the back of the chair. What was going on? His fingers migrated up to the bridge of his nose as he attempted to figure it out. Okay, Riza Hawkeye was suddenly a man. Maybe she cross-dressed? No, that just wasn't possible. He would have noticed it before now. Maybe a guy who looked exactly like the lieutenant had been assigned to him. It was possible. But wait. That would mean Riza was no longer under his command. He couldn't' let that happen. He rushed out into the outer office, determined to catch this Richard person and get some answers out of him.

He opened the door…and his mouth fell open.

Everyone in the outer office, excluding that Richard person, was female.

Falman's suddenly long salt and pepper hair was pulled into a tight bun and he was wearing a regular uniform. He was the only one who looked remotely like himself.

Kain Fuery was now a very cute young woman, with half his hair pulled back in a barrette and the rest falling over his shoulder and continually getting brushed back. His glasses were still in place, which was one of the only ways Roy was able to recognize him.

Breda had the shortest hair out of all of them, a pageboy cut that ended near his chin. The jacket of his uniform was open, as usual, but revealed a very feminine figure. He'd even traded in his characteristic expression of disbelief for female coyness.

But Havoc was the worst. He was wearing a skirt. A skirt! Jean Havoc was walking around in curly blond hair, black heels, and a skirt. Roy turned around, practically ran back into his office, and shut the door behind him. Where was he and what had the Fuhrer done with his subordinates?

The girls he'd seen when he first came out of his personal office continually besieged him throughout the morning with paperwork, questions, and most of all, their strange resemblance to his own subordinates. He refused to admit that they might be his actual subordinates. But around lunchtime, something really shook him.

He was buried up to his ears in paperwork when there was a crash in the outer office. The door to the outer office had been slammed open. Looks like Fullmetal was back.

He opened the door, expecting to see a furious teenage boy bursting through the doors and marching up to him between the rows of desks, followed by an apologetic suit of armor. That is not what he saw.

Possibly the cutest girl he'd ever seen was marching up to him in exactly the fashion Fullmetal would have done. But this wasn't Edward Elric. There was no way this was Edward Elric.

Edward Elric wore black combat boots. He did not wear high-heeled black boots that reached all the way to his knees.

Edward Elric wore pants. He did not wear black leather miniskirts with grey leggings.

Edward Elric wore a trench coat. He did not wear an extremely attractive cut-off red jacket with the Flamel emblazoned in black on the back.

Edward Elric wore his hair in a braid. Not two pigtails that arched adorably from the crown of his head over his ears.

Therefore, the person who'd just charged into his office could not be Edward Elric.

For the second time that day, Roy Mustang turned around and retreated into his personal office with an expression of shock on his face. He walked stiffly over to his desk and sat down, a slightly dazed expression on his face. He hoped the door would keep out a world that had clearly gone crazy for at least a little while.

It didn't.

Not-Edward had followed him into his office and was currently glaring at him. "I hope you're happy. The lead you gave us last time was a total bust. Here's a report on just how stupid it was." The girl threw a folder at the stunned Colonel. "You better have something better for me this time, Mustang."

"Sister," cried Alphonse, who had followed the blonde…person into Roy's office. "You shouldn't just barge in. It's rude."

The girl scoffed. "Like I care. He hasn't given us anything decent this whole month, Amelia."

"As a matter of fact, the Colonel does have a lead for you this time, Evenlyn." Richard said as he walked into the room, followed by the rest from the outer office. He gestured for the Colonel to continue.

Roy was thrown for a loop yet again. Evenlyn? And the Riza lookalike knew her? What was going on? Did Fullmetal have a sister he hadn't known about? Had the boy stumbled on an alchemic experiment that reversed his sex? What was going on!?

Then –the gods really must have hated him- Evenlyn sat on his desk, crossed her legs, and read her orders while he stared at his –or was it her- adorable back. It was torture.

Thankfully, once she finished reading her orders and being tantalizingly cute, the blonde girl retreated from the office along with the armor, Richard, and the rest of his confusion. He spent the rest of the day going through the motions of work as he tried desperately to make some sense out of his situation. Even with the three hours he had left in the office, he didn't make any headway in figuring out what was going on.

When he got home, Roy checked his calendar to make sure he didn't have a date he was missing. It was April 1st. He was SO going to get them back next year.

Edward and Alphonse were back in their hotel suite with the rest of the gang taking off their outfits. Alphonse collected the various wigs while Edward worked on Riza's hair.

"You're sure you can reattach it, right Edward?" She looked back at the teen a little nervously.

He smiled at her reassuringly. "It's fine. I've dyed my own hair plenty of times. This isn't that different.

One transmutation later, Riza had her beautiful blonde hair back, and the two of them joined the others in the living room.

Now without their padding, Breda and Jean were bent over laughing. "Did you see his face? I don't think I've ever seen him so flustered. This was a great idea, Chief."

The boy spread his hands. "I'm a genius. So, naturally, my pranks are genius too."


End file.
